I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
