I want to make a zoo with you.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
