i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
