Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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