I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
