You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
