I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
