I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
