He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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