Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize