Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
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