When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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