tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
