so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
