the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
