my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
