every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
