with your own penis?
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
