Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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