I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
