i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
