Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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