You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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