I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
