jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize