Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I wear drunk well.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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