I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
you are never too drunk for berry picking
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
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