I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
