I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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