i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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