I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
