im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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