You smell like stripper and shame
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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