Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
