My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
