he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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