the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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