Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize