You smell like a Billy Joel song
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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