i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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