Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
