Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Another day, another engagement, another cat
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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