i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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