do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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