was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Boobs speak an international language.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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