I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I bet he comes in French.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
