I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Randomize
