Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
