The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Let the clothes fall where they may.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
