I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
