During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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