Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
