My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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