i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
