Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'm at about main and main street
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
