It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
