I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
