You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
