threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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