I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
false alarm, still single
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