Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
