Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
