Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
