Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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