you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
