dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
My liver just broke up with me...
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize