Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
