How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
