Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
