worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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