I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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