he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
