I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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